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"I tell you: One must still have chaos in one to give birth to a dancing star!" - Friedrich Nietzsche |
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As anyone who has given this site even a casual glance should know, my primary religion is Hellenismos or Greek Reconstructionist Paganism. But what may not be as evident is that I also practice Discordianism, which my friend the Most Holy Porcine describes as, "an Anarchistict political philosophy organization, or a disorganizied mockery of organized religion," centering around Eris, the Goddess of Confusion, Our Lady of Chaos, She What Done It All. Eris among the Greeks Eris or Discordia, as she was known by the Romans, was often depicted with a repulsive visage - most commonly as an old lady, with unruly hair, wild eyes, torn and blood-stained clothing, and bat-like wings, such as in the painting by Jacob Jordaens, 1593-1684. Eris was not generally liked by the Greeks - and was treated with even greater scorn by the Romans, who valued order and discipline as two of the chiefest virtues. Euripides, in the Phoenician Women says, "Truly Eris is a goddess to fear." [799] Homer said, "Would that Eris might perish from the earth." [Iliad, 18.107] And Virgil, in the Aeneid says, "Discord strides exulting in her torn mantle, followed by Bellona wielding a bloodstained scourge." [7.702] Hesiod says that Eris was the daughter of Nyx (Night), conceived without a father. But in another account, she is said to be the twin sister of Ares, and "the nurse of War, helping her brother in arms to accomplish his bloody work. For being a great lover of the groans of dying men, she fills their hearts with hatred, so that they may slay each other." [Carlos Parada, Greek Mythology] According to Hesiod, Eris bore many children: Battles, Disputes, Famine, Fightings, Lawlessness, Lies, Manslayings, Murders, Oath, Oblivion, Quarrels, Ruin, Sorrows, and Toil. [Works and Days, 11-19, Theogony, 225-232 ] As Eros is the force in nature which brings things together, Eris is the force which drives them apart. She upturns the natural order, and throws everything into chaos. She causes enmity in the heart of men, so that they lust after the possessions of their fellows, and she fosters battles and war, delighting in the senseless carnage that is left in her wake. Because of her deplorable nature, the Gods have shunned her company, for Olympos is a place of harmony and divine order, and has no room for such as she. This shunning of the Goddess only caused her to grow bitter and angry, and she got her revenge on the Gods at the wedding of Peleus and Thetis. During the festivities, Eris snuck among them, for she had not been invited. Into the midst of the Gods, she cast a golden apple inscribed with Kallisti "to the fairest" and Hera, Athene, and Aphrodite each contended for it, claiming that they were the fairest among the Gods, and most deserving of the prize. Zeus, wise enough not to be caught up in such contention, made a Trojan shepherd, Paris, judge among them. Hera offered him wealth and Argive cattle, while Athene promised him fame and victory in the field of battle, and Aphrodite merely took down her mantle and offered him the most beautiful woman in the world. He straight-asway awarded the apple to Aphrodite, but unfortunately for him, the woman she had promised was Helen, the bride of Menelaus, a powerful king with many allies. This action resulted in the Trojan War, which lasted for 10 years, and resulted in "many brave souls being cast down into Hades" as Homer put it, and the complete destruction of Trojan civilization. Discordianism today Who in their right mind would ever worship such a Goddess? The answer, of course, is a Discordian - a rare breed of human that is never in possession of his right mind. Although Eris received next to no worship among the ancients, having neither a temple or regular festivals, and being consigned to the category of symbolic abstractions only popular among poets - all of this has changed in modern times. The modern era of Erisian worship began in 1958, when Malaclypse the Younger and Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst (sometimes known as Greg Hill and Kerry Thornley respectively) were at a California bowling alley, sipping coffee and discussing current world politics or something else equally pointless. Suddenly, they realized that they were the only people moving - all of the bowlers had become frozen in time - and then the Goddess appeared before them, and spoke to them through their pineal glands. She bestowed on them a shining revelation, which they promptly forgot. Some time later they wrote the Principia Discordia, which is a wholy holy text, the most wonderful, chaotic, enlightened, and all-around nifty book ever made. An objective defintion of Discordia is unattainable since Discordia is fundamentally at odds with that sort of linear world-view. However, this would be a really lop-sided article if I didn't at least try to describe what Discordianism entails, so bear with me here. Most human suffering arises out of a conflict between our expectation of the way things should be, and the way that they actually are. We believe that the world is a nice, orderly place and that, even though unpleasant things occasionally occur, they won't happen to us. We won't get sick, our home won't be destroyed, our loved ones won't die on us. The truth of the matter is that our world is full of randomness and sudden violence. We do come down with syphillis, hurricanes destroy our homes, and our beloved pet gets run over while crossing the street. Instead of merely accepting this, we often compound our misery by trying to figure out why it happened, by railing against the Fates, by taking it personally. A more wholesome approach is to do away with our false notions of the world. To accept that a certain amount chaos will always be present, and to prepare ourselves for it. When we are caught up in a whirlwind, it is futile to fight against it. Instead, we should allow ourselves to be carried away, and enjoy the ride as much as we can. Discordianism is a way of releasing ourselves from this attachment to unhealthy expectations. By releasing the power of our pineal gland, we learn to relax, and perceive the world as it is: fluid, chaotic, and an essentially absurd place. I mean, as just one example of how messed up our kosmos is, consider this: the universe is either finite, in which case you could conceivably reach the end of everything, and extend your hand out into nothingness, or else the material universe continues on infinitely, which is impossible, since by definition, all material must be finite. See, it just doesn't make any sense! Everything we know, or think, or believe about the kosmos is wrong, or at least, not 100% true, which pretty much amounts to the same thing. Because of this belief, it's pretty much impossible to say anything about anything. And if you try to go all Zen, and choose not to say anything about anything, you'll get bit on the ass by a fnord, because that's not the point, man. Instead, you should just go with the flow, and say everything about everything, give up the hope of ever understanding the kosmos, and just join the dance of the heavenly bodies, become one with the chaos of the universe, and of your own true self. Understand? Damn it, you're not supposed to understand! Get that out of your head, right now. Yeah, that's better. The history of the world is the history of competing forces, or so dialectical materialism assures us - and who are we to argue with such a neat sounding philosophy? Discordians recognize these two forces as the Eristic, those who accept chaos and absurdity, and the Aneristic, those who try to impose order and seriousness on the world. The greatest proponants of the Aneristic theory have been the Illuminati, who have existed for all time, and were also formed in 1776 as the Bavarian Illuminated Adepts. They're behind all of the major conspiracies in history. The Kennedy Assassination, Area 51, the Hashishim, the Spanish Inquisition, the Destruction of Atlantis, Communism, Capitalism, and the recent rash of Boy Bands that have glutted the pop market. Ever noticed the All-Seeing Eye on our currency? That's Illuminati! And the bar-code on your copy of Big Jugs Monthly? Yup, them too. And when your sock disappears in the dryer? Actually, that's a fnord, but the Illuminati made the dryer - so there! See, they're trying to enforce their twisted notion of law and order and normalcy on the world. Why? I'm not sure, actually. But I know that it's really complicated, probably has to do with business suits, anal probes, and Starbucks coffee, and that we really, really, really don't want them to win - so it's everyone's duty to try and stop them, to turn the tide and unleash small pockets of chaos wherever you can. Laugh. Do the unexpected. Be silly. This really pisses the Greyfaces off. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the Law of Fives,
and fnords at this point. According to the Principa
Discordia, "All things happen in fives, or are divisible by
or are multiples of five, or are somehow direcetly or
indirectly appropriate to five" [p.16] My good
friend, and fellow Discordian the Most Holy Porcine,
explains it thusly: "[The reason it's holy] is
because it proves the subjective nature of order. A random
number is declared to be related to everything on earth, and
it truely is never wrong, thus applying an order to the
universe, however it is an entierly subjective man made idea
with no real basis in anything other then Chaos."
Interestingly enough, the more you look for examples of
this, the more you'll find it. All clear now? Good. According to the notes I drew up for this piece, I should now discuss diet Coke, microwave burritoes, toilet paper, lettuce, Cheetos, felafal, K-Y jelly, a box of matches, and some Chicklets. Er ... uhm ... that's my grocery list. Where the hell are my real notes? Damn it. I had some really great stuff to discuss too. Hmm .... I do still have this neat quote. It doesn't really have to do with Discordia, but it does have to do with Chaos Theory, so I guess that works. "The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does." (Ian Stewart, Does God Play Dice? The Mathematics of Chaos, pg. 141) Pretty deep, huh? How it all fits together Despite what I seemed to say in the above, Discordians don't really believe order and seriousness to be the great evil that I portrayed them as. Rather, imbalance is what we seek to stop. For you see, the symbol of Discordia is the Sacred Chao - a device that has been likened to the yin-yang symbol, but with a golden apple in one corner, and a pentagon in the other. This shows the dynamic tension of the universe, the necissity for order and balance, seriousness and mirth, all polar opposites to be combined and honored. If the Greyfaces won, the world would be a dismal and boring place. If the Greyfaces completely lost, the kosmos would explode. Boom! Just like that. This is why I practice Discordianism. It leads to balance and wholeness. Hellenismos tends to be a rather serious affair. Study is central to the religion. We are constantly pouring over antique volumes or heavy-handed archaelogical or anthropolgical texts. We wrestle with weighty philosophical concepts. Greek is a very precise and arduous language, but it is an important part of our worship. Our rituals are not simple "do whatever you want" kind of things. The forms are complex, the liturgy difficult, and the work that goes into putting them on is startling to outsiders. And yet, it is a very rewarding path - as agon always is. But we mustn't forget how to laugh, how to let loose, how to stop taking ourselves so seriously. And that is where Discordianism comes in. It's very freeing, and profoundly spiritual. If you haven't taken part in Discordian Moosemas, you really don't know what you're missing. So that's basically why I'm a Discordian and a Hellene.
Well, that and you get to be your Pope in Discordia! |
