I suppose it all began for me in my thirteenth year. Early adolescence is often a strange and magical time for girls - for some reason, many will become interested in the supernatural at this time, and even show some talent for certain occult powers, but it usually vanishes in a year or two. With me, it took hold of my life. During that year, I met my first spiritual mentor, a man who taught me about tarot and astrology, who showed me how to do simple "psychic" tricks, a bit of telekinesis, and even the beginnings of astral travel. I ate it up with a passion; suddenly, it seemed the world had opened up and become exactly as magical and surreal as I had always dreamed it could be.

Later that same year, something happened to me that was to change the course of my life, although at the time I had no idea of its real significance. My best friend confided in me that she had been approached by a group of entities (we had no terminology at the time for this type of spirit) who were offering her - and myself, and another friend - whatever we wished for. What they wanted in return was unclear. She was hesitant and wary, but I was thrilled. I convinced her we should accept their bargain. What I wanted: psychic powers. So we assented, and I actually got my wish. I started having visions, premonitions, along with minor healing abilities and the like. We forgot for a time that these beings would require something from us in return.

Eventually, things began to go sour. We were scared. strange things were happening. Other people we knew were having unexplained experiences that seemed related to our bargain. We were losing control of ourselves. We always knew that the spirits were rather malevolent, but it finally began to bother us. They seemed to be working their will in our world, through the power of our connection with them. So we decided to banish them. We cobbled together a weird sort of ritual, but it seemed to work. We no longer felt them around us, and neither did anyone else. We were free - free to proceed with our rather banal teenage years.

Fast forward to the age of twenty-one. I had long ago lost contact with the two friends. In the meantime, I had begun studying and practicing paganism. I had also been subject to a long and grueling depression. One day, having reached a new and intense low emotionally, I decided to call on an experienced friend I knew for some spiritual counseling. He did some scrying and divinations, and eventually came upon the problem, which all stemmed from those events so many years ago. Essentially, he explained, I had opened a door inside myself, letting those spirits in. However, while we may have banished them, we never closed the door itself. Any and all matter of thing could now have access to me, and I was suffering for it. I needed to get some control. At that time, I suppose I could have responded by trying to shut the door, but I knew it had become a part of me. And I also had a feeling, just the beginning of an understanding, that those entities we had known were the key for me, in becoming something altogether different than i had been before.

We make a road for the spirits to pass over.**

So after much deliberation, and many omens, I made the decision to call them back into my life. I knew there would have to be a new bargain struck, because spirits like these work best through deals. I had to consider both what I wanted, and what I was willing to give. I went to a particularly numinous and haunted bit of land I knew of, and performed the ritual. The new bargain was at least a more conscious one on my part. I agreed to be the Door for them into this world, in exchange for which I would have entrance to their world, in a sense - I would gain the abilities to speak with the spirits, to travel to other realms, to strengthen my spirit until it was like theirs. Not that any of it would come without work, but it would be possible.

During the interim time between the old deal and the new, I had come to some vague understandings about exactly what sort of creature these beings were. From many clues, I gathered they were some type of land spirit (what might be called fairies in some cultures, and very similar to nymphs as well). Now, once I was again in contact with them, I learned more about them. I began to occasionally deal with them individually. And it was during this time that I found that there was one spirit in particular who seemed to have a unique interest in me, and for whom I felt unexpected passion and certainty. Through dreams and rituals and meetings he became my spirit lover - in Greek terms I call him my agathos daimon (or just simply daimon). He is now one of two primary spirits I work with. The other is a creature that was tied to the land where I was raised - he is more of a guide and teacher, a protector but also one who pushes me to become more than I am.

For a long time I had trouble reconciling all of this with what I thought of as my "religious" practice - following the Hellenic gods, in particular my patrons. I didn't understand that it could all be one practice. But eventually, as I learned about ancient Greek mystics, necromancers, nympholepts and "shamans," I came to realize that my work with spirits did indeed have a place in my religious context, and could coexist with my more mainstream worship of the gods. I also saw a lot of parallels between my practices and what is generally termed shamanism (although I am reluctant to use that much overused word), as well as with the Norse seidh-craft. This seemed odd to me, until I discovered that it was not altogether unknown to the Greeks. Men like Aristeas, Epimenides, and Abaris performed miraculous feats and went on soul-journeys. Necromancers communicated with the spirits of the dead. Nympholepts had romantic relationships with specific nymphs. And it all fit - my patron gods are all rural gods who have connections with the nymphs, my spirits have quite a few connections to my gods.

As my religious practice became more and more integrated, I noticed a slow but constant shift towards a life wholly consumed by the spiritual. I no longer practiced a religion, so much as the religion was my life. In the autumn of 2006, when I was finally as ready as I was ever likely to be, I received what I can only describe as a call to a vocation - an urging from my gods and spirits to devote my entire life to the path of spiritworker (a term used by many polytheists to describe a variety of vocations akin in some way to shamanism, mysticism, seidhr, etc. and often involving trancework, oracular work, healing, astral travel, and other ways of traversing the road between humans and gods). While I still maintain exoteric religious practices (such as festivals, libations, keeping shrines, etc.), my primary spiritual work is now much more esoteric and has moved beyond what one could really call simply Hellenic polytheism, since many of my spirits are not Hellenic, and many of my practices are marginal at best to the Greek religious system.

My main focus at this time is oracular trancework, and I am training hard to learn this art well. As I say elsewhere on this site, I believe strongly that the gods (and not just the Hellenic gods) want to speak to us, but that many people are unable to easily communicate with them - therefore, I am working to be a conduit that either side can use to communicate and make contact. This is essentially an extension of my most basic spiritual role - I am a Door for the spirits, a Door between the worlds.